Endless Debt

Chapter 1305 - 94: Crisis of Self-Identity

"Are you okay, Bologue?""Hmm? What’s up?"

"Nothing, just noticed you’re acting a bit odd today, and... you look a bit rough, like you haven’t slept for days."

"Oh? Is it that obvious?"

Bologue set down the cup and gazed at his small reflection in the water, truthfully unable to see what Aimou was referring to. He could only shake his head helplessly, trying to reassure Aimou.

"It’s nothing," Bologue exhaled deeply, feigning as if nothing had happened, "just everyday worries, you know, I tend to overthink everything."

"But even when you’re worried, you rarely show it so openly."

Aimou tilted her head, resting her cheek on her hand as she scrutinized Bologue sideways, "Sometimes, I think you don’t even realize it yourself, Bologue, you’re quite predictable."

"Like what?" Bologue asked, curious.

"Like most of the time, you love solitude, just like the stereotypical film protagonists."

Aimou grew animated as she spoke, like a witch telling a ghost story, "Cautious, patient, trying to shoulder all responsibilities on your own."

"But even someone as resilient as you has limits. When the pressure reaches a breaking point, you instinctively seek help..."

"Do I?" Bologue interrupted.

"See, see, you’re already denying it," Aimou squinted, a glimmer in her eyes, "Bologue, help comes in many forms, like now, for example, you’re seeking help without even realizing it."

Aimou placed a hand on Bologue’s shoulder, her tone shifting to a mocking one, "When you’re stressed, you go from loving solitude to desperately craving social interaction, looking for someone to talk to. You usually won’t talk about your stress; you just want someone to be with you, simple companionship that can improve your mood.

During these times, you usually watch movies with Palmer all day or spend the whole night at the Undying Club."

She suddenly reached out and pinched Bologue’s cheek hard, "Only when stress is overwhelming do you come looking for me."

"How..."

Bologue was about to retort when Aimou reached out, covering his mouth, "Didn’t I say, don’t rush to deny it."

Aimou glanced around the slightly tipsy and noisy tavern, suspecting, "I guess Palmer is busy, right?"

"Yeah, he’s swamped with the promotion ceremony, it’s been tough for him."

"For some reason, you don’t want to go to the Undying Club either, right?"

Thinking of all those demons and monsters, Bologue nodded helplessly, "You’re right."

Aimou feigned an angry look, "Oh, Bologue, only when you’ve exhausted every other option, do you think to come to me!"

"Not exactly."

Bologue was at a loss for words on how to explain. He truly hadn’t considered these things, much less that Aimou understood him so well.

"I just feel... just feel..."

"Feel I’m the last resort?" Aimou added again, "Only when the first few fixes don’t work do you think of me."

Bologue saw this as an opportunity and praised her repeatedly, "Of course, being with you is very comforting, like a cure-all."

"You bastard, don’t think that kind of nonsense is going to fool me." Aimou was far from convinced.

"I’m sorry!"

Bologue apologized repeatedly. He never dwells on such matters.

After quietly complimenting Aimou several times, Bologue’s eyes looked somewhat dazed, leaning heavily back in his chair. After a while, his wandering gaze settled on Aimou.

"Actually, when I think about it carefully, most of the time, I just don’t want to burden you with my stress."

"Why?" Aimou mimicked Bologue’s action, leaning back heavily in her chair, "We’re a sacred union of fate."

A sacred union of fate.

Hearing this phrase, Bologue suddenly felt like laughing.

"Ah... how should I put it?"

Bologue thought for a moment and quickly found a suitable description, "I don’t like drinking, Aimou."

Looking at the remaining half glass of orange juice, Bologue organized his words, "I have a bit of control issues. I want everything to go according to my expectations – even myself.

So I don’t like drinking, don’t like anything that interferes with my rational judgment."

"But you’re human, not a machine."

"Yeah, so that’s how I decompress," Bologue smiled at Aimou, "Being with others is a comfort for me."

"So?"

"So, it’s like eating cake. Everyone’s like that, right? Eat the parts with less cream, less sweetness first, and save the sweetest part for last, to savor in one bite."

Bologue enthusiastically explained, "Palmer and Serey are rather ordinary comfort, and Aimou, you’re the most precious kind of comfort."

"Oh..."

Aimou stretched the sound, unmoved by Bologue’s colorful praise.

After a pause, Aimou spoke again, "Sometimes I really don’t know if you’re playing dumb or if you’re just pretending."

"Which part do you mean?"

"All of it."

"I might just be bad at expressing myself, please understand, all told, it’s only been a few years since I got out of prison."

"Hmm... true," Aimou acknowledged, then asked, "So, I’m important to you, right?"